Jones (who has been taken for a quiet drive by Friend). "WHAT THE DEUCE IS THERE TO LAUGH AT, MAN?" JUBILOPERA NOTES. " attend for my Lord LATHOM knows his Opera by heart, and could "musical honours be added to his title, then to his "G.C.B." might be added all the other notes of the octave. Should Wednesday, June 23.-The night of the season at the Opera. any distinguished visitor prefer riding to driving home in Splendid! How it would have rejoiced the heart of our only Sir the cool of the night, "after the Opera is over," was there DRURIOLANUS COVENTGARDENSIS, could he have been present to not his Grace of PORTLAND there as Master of the Horse, see how thoroughly those educated up to this sort of business ready to have a "Gee" round at the door before you could under his management had learnt their lesson and even improved say "Gee-rusalem ?" Then, if the operatic actors went at on his teaching. It was the crowning triumph by Night of the all wrong in their " jeu de scène," was there not Sir G. PONSONBYTwo Days Jubilee. Everybody was there to be seen by Every- FANE, K.C.B., one of the best of the "old stagers," to rush to body Else, and woe be to Anybody's friend who shall say to Any- the wings or down into the prompt-box, put 'em all right, and body, "Why, I didn't see you there!" Not to have been at the sing, "I'm Fane to tell you all I feel!" And finally, should Opera on the great night argues yourself out of it. And Madame anything whatever have been required by MELBA was there!! This admirable cantatrice, after whom there Great Personages then present, were there not in any of the had been previously so many kind inquiries, was there, if not in ance, and in a-twenty-dance for the matter of that, all "The all her glory, in at least in some of it, with a bit over for another Officers of the Household" in "full dress with trousers," and night. O the heat! O the uniforms! O the entoosymoosy! therefore ready, aye ready to run out at a second's notice and do and O the lovely loyal thirstiness! O the dear drought! and the the Royal bidding with a will? Chorus, outside, to an old tune, still dearer, or cheaper, draught, not of air, but of liquid, "after"How did you get your trowsers on? And do they hurt you the Opera was over!!" Ah! Some of em had thirsts they much?" O the Jubilee! This was the crowning Night effect, would not have exchanged for the biggest diamonds of the very as the QUEEN's Garden Party will be the crowning Day first Water, unless it had just the least taste in life of some-effect in London, while before that comes off the Naval thing mixed with it! Then came the sweetest mossel Review on the 26th will have been the crowning Day and Night of the night!" Resplendent, happy and glorious, appeared our effect at sea. Bravissimo, Operatic Committee! Mr. Punch, disPrincess and our Prince! and mightily enjoying the feast of tributing his Jubilee honours, says to Mr. NEIL FORSYTH, "Kneel, music prepared for them in small parcels, sat all the Royalties FORSYTH! Arise, Sir NEIL"-but he can't do both. This must and Attracting Magnates; while the great officers of State (in such be thought out. En attendant, Vivat Regina! a state, too! with the thermometer at ninety-five degrees in the electric light shade, if any) watched, lynx-eyed, yet with the gentle winkiness of the cooing turtle-dove. If a Royalty felt faint, Her Royal Highness had but to call "Steward!" and at once Lord PEMBROKE was in attendance. Had anyone forgotten his, or her, pocket-handkerchief, or mislaid a smelling-bottle, was not my Lord Chamberlain, Lord LATHOM, G.C.B., on the spot with everything that could possibly be required? Was his lordship, too, not at hand to answer confidently, and correctly, any questions as to the music, as to the singers, as to the history of Opera from the time of MARIO and GRISI up till now? The Tartan Epidemic. The MacTavish (very angrily, to the new Boots at the "Rising Sun"). Where, by St. Andrew! have ye planted my braw new kilt that I put oot, for to be decently brushed! Green, red, black and white plaid. Boots (after search). I beg pardon, Sir, but the chambermaid mistook it for the skirt of the young lady in No. 13. But you've got her gown! Dithcult to ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. nising the finer nature of the CAP'EN, he the LORD CHANCELLOR. After the vision of shared with him the pure delights of a glory the eye has been privileged to rest EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. private concert. The SULTAN may be lack- upon through the week, one feels quite House of Commons, Monday, June 21.-ing in some of the better qualities of awed to see HALSBURY in serge suit, tan PRINCE ARTHUR, still tanned with the toil humanity. Evidently he is a consummate shoes, and a yachting cap. believe it is the same person we saw at of golf, moved resolution preparatory to judge of men. House repairing to Buckingham Palace to Buckingham Palace on Wednesday, enpresent address to the QUEEN on the veloped in robes of State, plump on his sixtieth anniversary of her accession. Knees before his Sovereign, to whom ne SQUIRE OF MALWOOD seconds resolution in brought the congratulatory address of the tone of profound emotion. Then DILLON Peers. Wish there had been more people and REDMOND aîné sprang up, straining to behold the spectacle. The procession on like hounds in leash for first place in Jubuee Day was well enough in its way. opposing motion. In turn made towering But if you want to impress foreigners with speeches. Resolution carried by enthuthe might and majesty of the Empire, they siastic majority. should see Lord HALSBURY in nis State robes. At least, that's what SARK says, and what he doesn't know, isn't wortu taking account of. Whole business did not occupy more than an hour and a half; but it had curiously irritating effect upon the Member for Sark. "Irish opposition in PARNELL's time was," he growled, "bad enough in its way. At least, it was concentrated in one welldefined quarter, guided by a single firm hand. Now, Irish Nationalists split up into sections, the long-suffering of the House is not only lengthened, but the ordeal has no compensation. In PARNELL'S time we had for our money good sharp fighting, with definite purpose and ordered plan behind each combatant. Now we fight the air, and the Irish Members fight each other. Take the case of REDMOND cadet turning up 66 Order! order!" I said, with abrupt sternness studied from several Speakers. 66 To speak of an hon. Member as caddy' is not Parliamentary. Worse still, it is not English. Of course, I know what you mean. But suppose you wanted to describe a man as something of a snob. Would you call him snobby"?" Chumming with the SULTAN would be enough for some men. It does not prevent the Old Salt from supervising the CZAR. Serving in Committee on Public Accounts, the eagle eye, that in the forties was known to pierce the densest wall of fog silently building itself up, bulwarking the coast of Newfoundland, discovered a little job. When the late CZAR died, he left in custody of the Bank of England a trifle of over £200,000. Death Duty payable on this exceeded £13,000. CAP'EN TOMMY, "overhauling the wollum," as bidden by an old shipmate whose soul long since went aloft, discovered this money had never been paid. In Committee of Supply, TOMMY brought whole matter to light of day. SQUIRE OF SARK, by the way, has come out a firstclass seafaring person. To see him walking the deck you would think he was born in the foretop. In fact, only yesterday he was taken for the pilot. Steaming here from Liverpool, we ran into a fog off Start Point. Couldn't see anytning two cables off. (Don't know how mucn a cable is. Suppose they differ in length according to price; but at sea we always measure things by a cable's length.) Fog-horn blowing; engines slowed; sharp look-out tore and aft. SARK standing on larboard side looking out with air of wisdom the longest cable aboard ship could not fatnom. Up came one of the pretty girls wno decorate the Teutonic and touched him lightly on the arm. "Where are we now, pilot?" she asked. "Still in the fog, Miss," he answered; and she went off, reassured by his manly presence, his untaltering tone, as he Ironted a situation not without peril. Fog lifted, disclosing long lanes of battleships all flying the British flag. A pretty show on Tuesday, when all the ends of the earth sent their contingents of soldiers, forming part of the army of the QUEEN. To-day completes the object lesson for whom it may concern. Overheard SARK telling the pretty girl (who still believes he's the pilot) that no two other naval powers clubbing their resources could make such a show. Even the Teutonic, in ordinary times a peaceful Transatlantic steamer, comes out as an armed cruiser, showing sharp, white teeth in the shape of eight Nordenfelt and eight quick-firing guns, capable of doing as much damage to the enemy as a whole armament of the Victory in NELSON's time. "Take the case of REDMOND cadet," SARK continued, ignoring my remark, which showed it was unanswerable. "First of all, we have JOHN DILLON issuing magniloquent declaration that Irish Members never, never, never will take part in the Jubilee celebration, for which the large proportion of them were careful, availing themselves of their Parliamentary privileges, to obtain free seats. Whilst his party are congratulating themselves on this stroke of leadership, comforting them- MALWOOD was Chancellor of Exchequer selves with assurance that the Red- when the affair was squared. Looking mondites, the Healyites, and HARBINGTON, across at the CAP'EN, watching the conare out of it this time, REDMOND aîné, vincing sweep of his terrible hooked arm, going one step further, as dear old WALTER the SQUIRE concluded best thing he could BARTTELOT used to say, trumps DILLON'S do was to make clean breast of whole card by giving notice of a bombastic matter, charging it to "the comity of na amendment to the Address congratulating tions." This phrase had marvellous effect HER MAJESTY. Thursday last, when the on Committee inclined to be suspicious. House met after the Whitsun Recess, More blessed than Mesopotamia. Scotch seemed to be TIM HEALY'S Opportunity. Members particularly pleased, recognising But TIM tarries in Ireland, and REDMOND tardy acceptance of favoured pronunciation. CALDWELL always speaks of "the cadet, romping in, got the advertisement 66 the Comity of sheet on the Parliamentary reports all to Comity of Supply," or himself. Same kind of thing goes on to- Ways and Means.' Was going to make a night and all through the Session. Where speech or two on this find hooked up by of us. in current debate one Irish Member used the CAP'EN. But so pleased to hear to speak, we have now at least three ora- SQUIRE OF MALWOOD dropping into Scotch tions. So is our last state worse than our that he refrained. first." So "Comity of Nations" carried the day. SQUIRE left the House without a stain on his character. All the same, it is felt that as long as the CAP'EN sits up aloft watching over the Treasury, there will be no more remission of Death Duties to the advantage of heirs of deceased potentates. Business done. - Agreed to present Jubilee congratulations to the QUEEN. Friday.-The view of CAP'EN TOMMY BOWLES is not bounded by the Bosphorus. He counts the SULTAN as a personal friend, to some extent a protégé. On the occasion of his visit to Yildiz Kiosk, the ImBusiness done.-In "Comity" of Supply. perial host showed a memorable gift of R.M.S. Teutonic, Spithead, Saturday. distinguishing character. To BASHMEAD--Parliament adjourned for the Solent. ARTLETT, also making a morning call, he Everybody here, from the SPEAKER to the tossed the glittering Medjidieh. Recog- newest Member, from the latest Peer to When you come to think of it, this not the least striking feature in the unique display. Admiral of the White Star Fleet, ISMAY, tells me it did not take more than forty-eight hours to transform the mighty mail steamer into an armed cruiser. Business done. - Done our duty at dinner and luncheon as England expected Jubilee Jotting. (By a Purist.) THIS is the most illogical of lands!The Jubilee Seats were commonly called "Stands"! NOTE BY A PHILOSOPHER.-When a man's fortune has gone to ducks and drakes, it is generally the ducks who have acquired most of the golden grain. A VETERAN SAILOR OF '37.-Jack of the "have-beens "-talk. MY AUNTS AND THE JUBILEE. June 1.-Most unfortunate. Last winter promised my maternal aunt JANE to escort her to see the Jubilee Procession. Good old lady, good old house in Devonshire, good old port in cellars, good old sum in nice, safe Consols, and so on. Could I refuse? But shortly after, my paternal aunt ELEANOR also desired me to escort her to the Procession. Rather sour old lady, gloomy old house in Bath, only teetotal drinks in cellar, but many thousands in Home Rails. Weakly agreed. June 2.-Must secure three seats. Aunt JANE, stout, always warm, has written that she must sit in the shade. Aunt ELEANOR, thin, always cold, says in this weather she prefers the sun. Can I put one on north side of Strand, one on south side, and myself on church in the middle? Hardly. Neither would sit alone. June 5.-After seeing innumerable plans and innumerable seats, have at last secured three on a stand, so placed, that Aunt ELEANOR at the end will get the sunshine on her rheumatic right shoulder till one o'clock, Aunt JANE being entirely in the shade. That's settled. June 8.-Letter from Aunt ELEANOR. Will on no account venture to sit in any wooden erection likely to catch fire. Letter from Aunt JANE. Cannot occupy seat on any temporary structure which might possibly collapse. Start again. Dispose of three seats at considerable loss. After great search discover small corner room in solid, fire-proof building, with large northern window taken out, and small eastern window to admit sunshine. Aunt JANE will no doubt require this window opened, causing a draught highly detrimental to Aunt ELEANOR's rheuma tism, neuralgia, and chronic catarrh, and Aunt ELEANOR Will demand that it be shut, with the blind up, a state of things likely to produce apoplexy, or sunstroke, or cerebral congestion in Aunt JANE; but I can do no more. June 10.-Aunt ELEANOR writes that she cannot bear the noise, draughts and excitement of a London hotel, and will therefore stay at Richmond. Aunt JANE writes that she wishes to be at the coolest part of Norwood. Secure rooms for them. HEREDITY. Fond Parent. "WELL, WE WANTED TO GIVE 'IM A CHAWNCE, AND WAS 'AVIN' 'IM TRAINED FOR A BUTTERMAN, WHEN WOT DOES THE BEGGAR DO BUT CHUCKS IT, AND SAYS AS IT'S CHIMBLEY-SWEEPIN AS 'IS 'EART WAS IN!" calculations. Aunts not come yet. Of course not, Wait patiently. At eight become anxious. At 8.30 very anxious. At nine desperate. What can have happened? Surely thirteen June 11.-Letter from Aunt JANE. She quotes leader in hours from Richmond should suffice. My calculations were based Times of yesterday, warning seat-holders of every possible on Times article. Can they have mistaken the number of the danger. Was afraid she would see it. It refers to excitement, house? Rush out. Obliged to go into side streets. Continue early rising, anxious and fatiguing journey, imperfect provision search. Suddenly hear cheering. Good heavens, it's the proof food, possibility of fainting, delay in getting away, instability cession! Can't get back. Remain behind crowd. See nothing. of stands, danger of fire, risks of smoking, removal of shavings Tremendous final cheer. Then people slowly disperse, and at under seats, and need of restoratives. She wants to know what twelve o'clock walking in streets is quite easy, and I stroll sadly time she will have to start. Try to reckon it out with help of home. No news of aunts. Times article. If seat-holders driving a distance usually covered June 23.-Letter from Aunt JANE: Left Norwood at midnight. in twenty minutes must start at 5.30, at what time must anyone Arrived in Strand at 1.15 A.M. House shut up. Nowhere to go. start from Norwood to drive to the Strand? Evidently not later At last drove back to Norwood, much annoyed at bad arrangethan midnight. Good heavens! And here's a letter from Aunt ments. Letter from Aunt ELEANOR: Left Richmond at 8 P.M. ELEANOR. She writes that she has just seen an article in the on Monday. Arrived in Strand at 9.30 P.M. Room locked up; Times. Of course she has. And she wants to know when she will could not remain in carriage all night; nowhere to go. At last have to start. By Jove, yes! Richmond. That's soon calcu- drove back to Richmond. Had not expected that any nephew lated. About 8 P.M. Say immediately after dinner. Answer of hers would annoy her with vulgar practical jokes, and need both letters as cheerfully as I can. not express her opinion of such conduct. June 19.-Have made all necessary arrangements at last. Aunt JANE supposes that it may be possible to leave safely about six hours after the procession has passed. Aunt ELEANOR would prefer to dine in our hired room, as she evidently cannot reach Richmond till breakfast time the next day. را MR. DOUGLASS, the Athenæum informs us, "finds from his observations" that "Jupiter's fourth satellite, as well as his third, rotates on its own axis in about the same time as it occuJune 21.-Have stored in room large quantities of tinned pies in revolving round the planet." What capital exercise, or meats, biscuits, wine, lemonade, mineral waters, &c. Also re-axisize! Except perhaps a ride on the switchback, there can be storatives of various kinds. nothing to equal the delights enjoyed by the third and fourth Start at 5.30, with satellite. It is sad to think that those two satellites, attached Expect to reach to such an old monarchy as that of Jupiter, should be such Something wrong in thorough revolutionists. June 22.-The great day. Up at 4.30. luncheon and dinner packed in hampers. Strand at eight. Arrive there at 6.10. " MR. PUNCH, UNIVERSAL PUBLIC COMMISSIONER, ON BEHALF OF EVERYBODY GENERALLY, AND OF "THE SPINDLE SIDE PARTICULARLY, HEARTILY COMPLIMENTS THE METROPOLITAN AND CITY POLICE, UNDER SIR EDWARD BRADFORD, G.C.B., COLONEL HENRY SMITH, K.C.B., AND MR. REGINALD BRETT, C.B., THE CLEVER "HEADS OF THE POLICE," ON THEIR ADMIRABLE ARRANGEMENTS FOR FACILITATING TRAFFIC AND PRESERVING ORDER IN THE STREETS OF LONDON, SO SUCCESSFULLY CARRIED OUT BY ALL THE CONSTABULARY ON JUBILEE DAY, JUNE 22. OUR COLONIAL "COMRADES" AT THE LYCEUM. [At the special invitation of Sir HENRY IRVING, the Colonial troops in London for the Jubilee attended a performance of The Bells and A Story of Waterloo at the Lyceum on June 26.] WELL changed, Sir HENRY! "Comrades" was the word. "Ladies and gentlemen" seemed too punctilious. Few things more striking have been seen or heard In all this jocund time of joy Jubilious, Than Corporal Brewster, drawn by CONAN DOYLE, And played by HENRY IRVING to "Our Boys" From over-sea. What charm it lends to toil When such an audience admires, enjoys! A Story of Waterloo, told to a crowd Of such Colonial "Comrades," was a thing To hear, see, and remember. Did one proud To mark those stalwart fellows rise and sing God save the Queen together! CHAMBER LAIN Doubtless enjoyed his portion of the cheering, As did the moving actor. Scarce again To such a "house" will either be appearing. A grand occasion, met in style deserving Of Art, such "Comrades," and Sir HENRY ÍRVING! HER PEOPLE'S REPLY (To the Queen's Jubilee Message. Voiced by Mr. Punch). ["The QUEEN's Message to the Empire reached Australia, India, and the furthermost parts of the globe before the QUEEN had emerged from Buckingham Palace."-Daily Chronicle.] FROM heart to heart! O'er land and sea That message flies, like Peace's dove! Where'er your world-spread people be, Knit to large unity by Love, Swifter than SHAKSPEARE's sprite could run, They answer promptly, and as One! Like Ariel, "ere your pulse twice bent," From heart to heart the message burns, Responsive to your royal thanks, From hearts and lips that will not lag, Fly thanks as loyal. Thanks, great QUEEN, For all you are, and long have been! Thanks for Imperial service high, And thanks for simple hearth-side grace, For patriot zeal, for purity, Womanly sweetness in high place, And the strong heart that ne'er did fall, Though duty danger-clad might call. Thanks from our hearts, belovéd QUEEN, God's blessings crown your future days! Still may you be, as you have been, The theme of world-wide love and praise. A proud, free people bow the knee To womanly worth and genuine royalty! |