From Household Words.

A WIFE'S STORY.

CHAPTER I.

WE stood on the deck together,-I and my husband-I, shrouded in warm wrappings, with folded arms, leaning against him. How strong he was! How firm he stood! How delightful it was to me to lean there so!

rather small, generally very quiet in manner, not beautiful, and not plain. I believe I had a certain dignity of my own, which had been useful to me in my unprotected state. I felt that when I chose I could compel respect, and gloried in the power, though it made me more feared than loved.

I do not know what it could have been in me that served to draw my husband's notice It was late, and a wild night; a strong upon me, and then to win me his love. I wind blowing, and our ship bounding on over think, for his was a most faithful heart, that high-swelling waves. It should have been he must have regarded me, first, for the sake moonlight-the moon was at the full-but of some real or imagined likeness to my broonly now and then a wind-rent in the clouds let her pale light through.

We did not talk, the wild wind would have blown our words away, and my heart and soul were very full. Leaning there I thought I had found life-long peace, a refuge from all trouble and distress. What a beautiful future I pictured!

ther, my dead brother, who had been his friend. And yet it was hardly me he loved; of my real nature, its force, its aspirations, its vehement unrest, he knew nothing. He loved me as he saw me, looking through some medium of his own interposing.

Of course he was my first lover. Who else would have turned from our three household We were both young: I some five years Graces, the grown-up daughters of the family the younger: a mere girl in age and in ap--brilliant, accomplished, dowered, and, appapearance, yet all too old at heart. Measuring rently, sweet-tempered, as they were, to me? life by the bitterness of gained experience, by poor, plain, and proud, as I was considered. its pain, and not by the number of its days So, of course, he was my first lover! If I and years, I was no longer young. My life loved him aright I could not tell, if I ever had long been a struggle; a series of conflicts loved him as a wife should love, I do not even in which I always came off heart-wounded, now know. I felt it infinitely sweet and sometimes hand disabled, never subdued. I strange to be beloved-to be the object of had been ever at war with circumstance. such manly, protecting tenderness as his. I There was a strange and secret strength asked no questions,-when I could once besomewhere within me, that would not believe in his love, I gave myself up, abandoned crushed out that would not let me yield. my whole being utterly, to the great, new joy. But though too strong to submit myself a wil- There was nothing to distract my mind, nothling slave to any imposed yoke, my nature ing to divide my affection with him, and I had was not strong enough, I was not wise enough, very large capacity of loving. His loving me to gather all powers of soul, and heart, and was a suflicient proof of his goodness, of his mind together, into conscious possession, and disinterestedness, and great-heartedness. then yield meekly, quietly, and entirely to the recognition of the controlling power of a higher will. So I had fought on as blindly as vehemently, doing battle boldly for real and unreal rights, resenting deeply both real and supposed injuries.

No mere woman can live long so, at war with all around,-I had grown heart-sick, and utterly weary; soon I should have lain down and yielded. But a great change came to me. While I had been struggling and striving in a night of great darkness, in which the things after which my ambition prompted me to reach always eluded my eager hands, God laid in my path, at my very feet, a good gift.

I was a governess when my husband began to woo me. I was his equal by birth, but what did that serve me? He was far above me in station now, was handsome, and much courted and admired. The daughters of the family with whom I lived would have been proud to win him, but he turned from them with his simple, frank indifference, and bent the power of his nature to loving me! I was

I

was satisfied, and Harold could not long doubt that I loved him, and I am sure he never suspected me of accepting him for any other reason. He could see my eyes well over with delight, my cheek flush, and my hands tremble when he gave me any new proof of the love I hungered, and yet half-dreaded, to be convinced of.

I remember, how well! the first thing that excited my mistress's (so I called her in my proud humility) suspicion of the truth, and that first stirred up a joyful, thrilling hope in my poor heart. Mr. Warden came to the house one morning, it was earlier than he had ever called before, and I was in the large school-room, giving a music lesson to the youngest girl, the three elder sisters were in the room that day, busily occupied with various works of idleness, and still in morning costume, so that an authoritative knock at the hall-door caused some alarm and stir. But I went on giving my lesson, wearily endeavoring to do the work of both teacher and pupil. The door opened, and some one entered be

both you and Miss Aston good."

fore the young ladies had effected their escape and have your bonnet put on, a walk will do to their dressing-rooms; there was a movement and flutter, but I did not look round or So saying, the lady went to the door with imagine that it in any way concerned me. the child, thinking that we followed her. "Mr. Warden was particularly anxious to "A moment!" Harold interposed as I was see our school-room, and to discover in what rising to do so. I sat down again in my chair praiseworthy manner you young ladies were by the piano, bending my eyes on the penciloccupied here; so I have brought him in to case my fingers were playing with, and wontake you by surprise," I heard my mistress | dering vaguely what he could be going to say. say in her most gracious voice. "I brought these for you," Mr. Warden began hurriedly, holding out the roses; "you said the other day how fond you were of flowers. I came down from London last night, and brought these from Covent Garden-may I leave them with you?"

:

I did not hold out my hand, so he laid them on my lap-they looked wondrous beautiful on my black dress.

Then I just glanced round, for I always felt a sort of interest in Mr. Warden for the sake of a remembered and happier lang-syne, though I did not expect him in any way to reciprocate it. He was standing at the far end of the room, surrounded by the four ladies in his hand he held a most glorious bouquet of hot-house roses, which they were all admiring; he did not hold them carelessly and indifferently, and as if half-ashamed of carrying them, as gentlemen generally do flowers; but carefully, and tenderly, and halfproudly. I saw this at a glance, and, meeting his eyes, bowed slightly, and turned back "I want to know," he began confusedly, again to the music-book and my pupil's heed-"are you happy here? How do they treat less fingers, expecting that in a moment, the you? Do not be proud with me, rememladies, the visitor, and his roses would have ber-" vanished from my domain. But the fragrance of those flowers reached me, it grew more and more deliciously strong; they must be near.

I turned my head very, very slightly, and became conscious that some one stood behind me that the precious flowers almost touched my cheek.

"How very sweet they are," I ventured to say, the flowers drawing the words from me; for their perfume seemed to have entered my

heart.

"Are you not weary, Annie? Your pupil does not seem very attentive-isn't it tiresome work?" Mr. Warden asked.

He was bending down to me, flowers in hand. Somehow I could not answer-something in tone or words touched me like remembered music, and I longed to weep.

He had heard of me as Annie all his life, and so forgot to call me anything else, even now, when I was a poor governess, and he— but I am sure he never thought of that. He found me again, after having lost sight of me for years, he found me unhappy, and took me into his great heart.

I had not yet voice to speak when Mrs. Stone bustled up.

"Has not Amelia been attentive this morning, Miss Aston?" she asked with a great appearance of concern.

"She has not been less so than usual, ma'am," I answered coldly.

"You should complain to me, my dear, when you find her troublesome; she is rather a giddy child, I know. Come now, Amelia,

Harold glanced round the room: we were alone; the young ladies had disappeared to dress, meaning that Mr. Warden should escort them for a walk that bright winter's morning.

I raised my eyes, full of tears, gratefully to him. He should see that at least I was not proud to him, to any who treated me kindly.

"Mr. Warden!" Mrs. Stone called from the passage; I know you are fond of flowers

I want to show you something rare in my conservatory. Oh! here you are! I beg your pardon for leaving you, I thought the girls had taken you into the drawing-room. This way, if you please-you must stoop your tall head a little, I fear."

I was alone-I sat as he had left me-there lay the flowers, I did not stir or touch them, I only bent down over them, their fragrance filling my soul, and, perhaps, a tear or two falling on their petals. That fragrance must have been a kind of intoxication, such wildly beautiful thoughts stole in with it.

It was winter: but this precious gift over which I bent carried me away to some heavenly garden of perpetual rose-rich summer. I gazed at my real roses, soft pink, rich crimson, snow-white, bright-golden, they shut out the great, bare room, the gaunt, bare boughs swinging before the windows, they kept out sense of cold and emptiness, and filled my heart with warmth and sweetness. I do not know how long I dreamed.

My reverie was broken into roughly. Mrs. Stone entered with a stormy rustling of her handsome dress that told of some excitement.

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"Oh!" she began, looking sharply at me; Mr. Warden forgot his roses here, I suppose: I wondered where he had left them. He is gone out with the young ladies; Amelia is

with her sisters, so you can go into the garden, | "I shall not complain - certainly notif you please. You need not have touched Mr. Warden!" I interrupted. those flowers, Miss Aston; put them in water in the drawing room, if you please; no doubt they were brought for Julia, but Mr. Warden is rather shy, and perhaps did not like to offer

Indeed! then of course you know all about the family. Has he any near relatives living?"

"I believe not," I answered.

I had risen, and stood leaning against the piano, my flowers gathered up heedfully in my folded arms. I half guessed what Mrs. Stone would say next, and stood on the defensive.

"I observed," the lady continued," that Mr. Warden called you by your Christian name. That was all very well when you were a child; but I am sure, as a sensible young woman, you will see that now it is hardly becoming. There is a wide difference of station and position, you must remember. For a governess to be treated with such an appearance of familiarity by a handsome young man of fortune, is not the thing. You hear me, Miss Aston? Do not crush those flowers!"

I had gathered them rather closely to my bosom-I held them more loosely as I answered:

"I do, madam!"

"I am sure you will acknowledge that I am right. I will mention the matter to Mr. Warden, if you choose- he appears to be rather an unsophisticated young man, and perhaps does not know much of the ways of the world." I think Mr. Warden will act according to his ideas of right, and not according to what any one may tell him of the ways of the world, Mrs. Stone."

- to

"That is right: for once your pride is proper and becoming. You need not stand there any longer: I have done; I only wanted to warn you; I am sure you understand me. Take those flowers and put thein in water, as I requested; they are beginning to droop. I am sure Julia will be pleased. I do not think Mr. Warden very clever, but he is a fine young man, very steady and good tempered, and Julia is ambitious and will spur him on, so they will suit well."

Possibly!" I answered, "but about the flowers you are mistaken, ma'am, they are mine; Mr. Warden laid them where you saw them; I had not touched them when you came in." I did not stay to see the effect of my words, but went up to my own room. There I put my treasures lovingly in water, and then sat by them thinking; and my heart softened as it had not done for many a day. I felt so grateful to Harold! Any way, it was so kind so thoughtful to bring such lovely flowers for me! In my heart I was always most deeply grateful to him; but I do not remember that I ever thought of being so to Heaven for any of my happiness; and so my very gratitude grew to be a pain to me and a bane to him.

But I must not anticipate, though you know mine to be a sad story.

It was not so very long after my receipt of that first, most precious gift (I have the dust of those flowers now!) — that Harold asked me to be his wife.

It was on one early spring evening, when I had stolen haf-an-hour's freedom from my slavery and gone, alone, into the garden. At least it should have been spring, by the calendar; but it was a wintry evening. bleak, black, damp, and cold: a very dismal and dreary evening, and so I loved to linger out in its ghastly, chill twilight. I believe I was always happier in what other people called most miserable weather. It seemed as if I relished throwing my defiance in Nature's face, and yet I loved her with no half love-liking. Just then, my proud, exulting heart joys in proving its happiness, its little dependence on aught external.

then I stood leaning against a great tree, and the solemn desolateness of the time and the scene would steal icily to my heart, and I folded my arms and gave way to a sombre, doubting, almost despairing, train of thought.

I had not paced, but rushed, up and down "That scornful look and tone is most unbe- the broad gravel-walk, beyond the chance of coming, Miss Aston. I have told you before, surveillance from the house, till I was weary ; that if you cannot better control your temper, and treat me with more respect, I shall not be able to keep you, sorry as I should be to be forced to dismiss you. You know how much you have suffered already from the evil but natural interpretations put upon your frequent changes of situation. I wonder you are not more guarded. You cannot, I am sure, complain to Mr. Warden, or any one else, that you have experienced anything but kindness here."

I loved the old tree I leaned against, though it grew in an enemy's soil. My heart had throbbed against it many a time-not with joy, but with grief, scorn, or impotent rage. And many a time my bitter, burning tears had fal

A flush and a frown came upon Harold's face; but I interposed:

len upon the turf above its roots. No one else ever stood there, leaning so, and I had grown to fancy the tree endowed with some power of I shall be quite ready, Mrs. Stone,” I ansympathy, and that it bent down regardfully swered," to perform all my duties as usual till to me, and swept its branches lovingly over my the time for which I was engaged has expired. face, and whispered consolingly in my ear. I do not think you can accuse me of having But my friend was mute and still that night, ever wilfully neglected duty; I do not know with neither touch nor tone for me. The why I should do so now." evening was sullenly quiet, and there was no wind-horn murmur among the bare boughs.

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Very well: this is, I believe, the last day of February

"The first of March, I think, ma'am ; is it not?" I asked, turning to Harold.

As I stood leaning there - hidden from the path-I heard a step, a firm, crushing step, coming down the gravel-path. I knew who "I think so," he answered discontentedly. came at least my heart knew - for it beat "On the first of June, then, you leave my high against the tree's rough bark, stirred for service;" Mrs. Stone said. "Till that time," once by somewhat else than pride or pain. she added, "I shall of course expect that my But it did not beat there long... I was soon daughter's education will be carried on withfound, though I stood quite still in my hiding-out interruption." place. Harold reproved me tenderly and yet I bowed assent. Harold took his leave, chafauthoritatively, for staying out in that raw, ing sorely at Mrs. Stone's manner, and at havcheerless air. I answered, not proudly, as I should have done had any other spoken sobut meekly and sadly. Then we both forgot the weather as that beaming, handsome, honest face was bent down close to mine.

He loved plain-spoken truthfulness; and, if I blushed and pressed my cold hands beneath my shawl tight down over my swelling heart, yet I frankly accepted the love he frankly offered, and I did not scruple to let him know that I took it very thankfully.

Then I was drawn close to him. It was cold no longer my heart was warm and full. I suppose we walked up and down a long time I remember it grew dark-but the sky cleared, and some few stars looked down up

ing to leave me, for so long a time, to her tender mercies. I was not sorry to remain where I was: my present happiness was quite enough, and I should be glad to grow quietly acquainted with that, ere there came any further change. I crept out of the room soon after Harold went away, and was alone with my joy till morning. It was well for me that I was love-strong and proof against annoyance, for that house was no home or rest for me.

They even tried to come between me and Harold's love, filling his ears with talessome of them, alas! too true of my violent temper, my singularities, my excessive pride, and my utter unsuitableness for making any man's home happy. But they soon gave up this attempt. Harold looked through their assumed to their real motives with the clear vision of a simple, sincere nature, and treated me only the more tenderly and pityingly when we met. This was not very often, or for long at a time; we had no opportunity of gaining any real knowledge of each other. During those three months I had time for thinking over the impending change: I might have weighed and tried my love, had I had a scale or table of weights to guide me - I had not. I knew that I sickened at the bare thought of anything intervening between me and Harold, and shutting out the glimpse of a glorious, free life beyond my prison-walls that he opened to me, and I did not question of what nature and kind should be the love between husband and wife, or doubt whether we could make one another happy. I had one relative, a maiden aunt, in but poor circumstances, of whom I knew but very little; to her I went when that long three months had expired; from her house I was to be married in a fortnight's time.

"Of course you are aware, Mr. Warden, that Miss Aston must fulfil her engagement with me a prior engagement to that so hastily, and, to speak plainly, it seems to me, so unbecomingly, formed with you. She is here as a govIn spite of my happiness I had grown paler erness, and must continue here in the capacity and thinner of late. I had been kept wearily for which she was hired, for three months from and closely employed all day; or rather had this time." kept myself so, choosing to do more, rather than

less, than formerly; and often sat up late at night busy with my needlework and my pleasant thoughts. Harold worried at my frail look; he was glad my aunt lived in the country; I promised to try and get rosy and strong there. As her house was small, and I knew she had a nervous horror of strangers, particularly of gentlemen, it had been arranged that Harold should not follow me to Ilton until the day before the wedding. The fortnight I was there, he was to spend in London, near which he had taken a house.

I found myself at my aunt's door at the close of a fine June afternoon.

many stairs, you know-and I am sure you must want your tea."

My aunt bustled about, busy in taking off my bonnet and shawl. She kissed my forehead and smoothed my hair, and told me I had my mother's eyes; and sighed again, and prayed God keep me and guard me. Then she went down to make my tea, and I stood gazing out of the opened casement-window; I can exactly recall how I felt then!-can see all I saw from that window-and remember just where each rose grew of those that clustered round and tried to peep in the room. I picked one and put it in my hair, that I might have its fragrance near. Then I folded my arms softly on my bosom and looked steadfastly out, and such a peace came into my breast, and tears came softly down on to my hands! But then I only looked out-I did not look up.

Her door! I remember I smiled as I looked at it, it was such a tiny cottage-door; how would Harold get in? I laughed to myself as I stood waiting a moment, before I knocked. Everything laughed too; the green leaves in the sunshine overhead, the bright, trimlytended flowers in the narrow borders on each "Annie! Annie!" my aunt called at the side of the narrow path. Then, how the bottom of the stairs, and I went down. A butter-cups laughed in the fields beyond! little table was drawn up to the bowery winsuch fields! so rich and dark-grounded and dow; and the tea smelt fragrant and delicious, gold-spangled, bounded with hedges white with and was most refreshing. Everything rehawthorn. Field after field swelling and minded me of the country, the bread, the waving almost as far as I could see; only here butter, rich cream, and fresh eggs. Aunt and and there a double row of tall elms or droop-I sat and chatted and sipped our tea; and I ing limes, marking where some lane wound felt very good and patient with her gentle talk; among them, or a little snowy patch of blos- and afterwards we went out of the little backsoming orchard varying their gorgeousness. door, through the little back-garden, into the And over the fields went the slow-flitting, dark-blue shadows cast by the hovering clouds. Perhaps, somewhere near, out of sight, they were making hay already-some very delicious fragrance was floated to me by the soft wind. I laughed again, and then turned to knock at the little door.

It was opened; my aunt peeped out shyly. She was relieved to find me alone; but looked as if she half expected my handsome giant were lurking near.

"My dear, I am so glad to see you! God bless you! But I didn't expect you for an hour yet. Quite welcome, and everything is ready; though, but are you sure you are come alone? I heard some one laugh."

"I stood by myself, and laughed to myself, auntie. Yes, I am quite alone! I did not come by the coach; my luggage is coming by that, though."

Well, you know, my dear, I shall be delighted to see your—Mr. Warden; but I am glad he did not come here yet; and what shall we do with him, love, when he does come? You say he is so tall, and my house is such a little one."

"If he cannot walk in to see me, he will crawl, perhaps."

My eyes were brimming over as I spoke, and aunt looked into them. She nodded and smiled to herself, and then sighed.

"And now you must come up stairs-not

fields behind, where they really were making hay. "I hope it won't all be made before Harold comes," I said. And then my aunt asked me a thousand questions about this formidable Harold; and from him we got somehow to the very important subject of my wardrobe, and discussed most thoroughly what I had and what I should want. My aunt had a kind neighbor, she said, who often offered her the use of his pretty pony-phaeton. If I could drive she would borrow it, as the best shops near were at Hard, seven miles off. I was not at all afraid of driving over those smooth, quiet roads; so when we went home, Mary, the little maid, was despatched, with my aunt's compliments, to this obliging neighbor, to beg the loan of his carriage for tomorrow.

I stood on the door-step; I could not go in, it was such a balmy June evening; and it was so new and delicious to feel myself my own mistress-to expect no hasty summonses to remind me of my bondage.. I saw Mary trip away demurely through an orchard, then emerge and pursue the narrow track across a golden meadow, then disappear again behind some trees and shrubs, from among which I could see sundry chimneys arise. She came back presently to say, with a half-smile, that Mr. Swayne returned his compliments, and the carriage was quite at her mistress's service; and so was he, if she would like him to drive