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"How? Reading, I suppose?"
"No; with my own thoughts."
"Your own thoughts, you saucy girl!

Have

would have been happier for the losing!" something compelled me to say, as I looked up in his face. There was love himself, most you anything belonging to yourself, then? beautiful and perfect, looking out from his Were they not partly mine? those amusing eyes into mine, and I did not any longer thoughts? Eh, Anníe ? " struggle in his embrace.

"Whatever else I may owe to you, I have still a right to consider my thoughts free, have I not, my lord?" I asked, only halfjestingly.

"You are angry, Annie! Come, you are vexed with me for going to sleep while you were reading! Your voice is so sweet it soothed me. If you had been speaking should have listened to the words; as it was, I thought only of the dear voice."

"God be praised!" he murmured as he gently released me, and sat me down in the middle of the boat, when, at last, it had ceased its perilous rocking to and fro. I did not cherish my wicked spirit longer. He took the oars and rowed "back. We were both grave and silent for a little while: but HarIold's gravity soon vanished, so did all traces of emotion, save that he lifted me out of the boat, and put me down far from the edge of the loch, as if he could not trust me near the water again.

"Did not the book please you?" I asked. "To tell the truth, I did not understand much of it, I do not care for the poetry; you "I ordered dinner at five," he said, as we cannot think how strange it seems to me to walked up the beach; "now it is half-past think of any man's making it the occupation Mrs. Mac-Something will grumble, I am of a life to rack his brains for out-of-the-way afraid. You won't be long at your toilette, thoughts about men and things, and then to Annie? remember we are to climb the twist and turn them ingeniously up-side down mountain, to see the sun set this evening." and hind-side before, till he has set them into jingling order."

"And that is your notion of poetry?"

asked.

"Do you not think it a just one?" "Do you not like music?"

The evening was only just pleasantly advanced and cool, when we sat out on our litItle expedition. Harold had managed to hunt up a pony for me, as we had some two or three miles to go. He was very merry, and we laughed and chatted gayly as he led my "Why do you ask! The two things are steed and strode on beside me. But when we so perfectly different. Yes, I like cheerful came to the narrow glen between high threatmusic; I don't pretend to understand the ening masses of rock, that shut out the sunclassicality of the art? But, my dear child, light and frowned blackly down on us, the don't let us discuss art, or philosophy, or poet-light talk and laughter pained me; it seemed ry now. You look quite pale, I am sure you impious, my heart echoed it so hollowly. I are cold and tired; I am very sorry, it was put my hand on Harold's lips, and said, "Be very stupid of me to fall asleep; please to forgive me, and I wont do so again."

"Pray do, as often as you feel inclined. I will learn not to mind it, I assure you," I answered.

"Learn not to mind, Annie! what do you mean? I do not want you to learn anything; I want you to be happy, and leave everything else to me."

"We must learn while we live, people say. It strikes me I shall have much to learn before I shall be able to do what you wish."

Harold sprang up hastily. He nearly upset the boat in doing so: the side on which I was sitting touched the water's edge,-I lost my balance, and should have made acquaintance with the bottom of the loch, concerning which I had been speculating, had not his strong arms been thrown round me.

"Good Heaven!-Annie-My wife!" I had been on the farther side from the shore-the water was deep-no help near-he could not swim-all this flashed through his mind, and I felt how the heart beat against which I was pressed.

"God grant you have not saved what you

quiet, please!" very gently. He kissed my hand, and obeyed, seeming to understand; or else it was the gray shade that made his face look grave and pale, and we wound up in silence. I dismounted soon, as the way got rougher; the boy, who had followed us, took the pony; and we went on alone. We two, who should have been not two, but one.

The highest peaks were almost inaccessible, but the one we ascended was comparatively easy to climb, and we had been assured that the view was awfu' grand. When we were at the top, the sun was setting; we were just in time. I drew my arm from Harold's. I planted my feet firmly on the craggy ground. At first everything swam before my eyes in a kind of mist of glory; but after a few minutes' steady gazing, all became distinct.

My soul strove and struggled, it essayed to dilate wide enough to take in all of the beauty, the glory, the grandeur; it endeavored, passionately, to make God's things its own, containing them. It did not, owning humbly its child-like position and dependence upon the same Being, whose glory was now partially revealed to it, then take a meek, a rever

ent, an awful joy, in thinking of the Maker of the Universe, as the Father and Friend of every living soul. No! there was strife and pain, and impotent self-abasement, and as impotent, because as blind, aspiration within me. I forgot I was not alone. I cried out in the strange agony, and clenched my hands.

Then I felt myself clasped in his arms, I was turned round, I could see no longer, I felt as if some divine inspiration had been kept off from me by that human presence. Harold's calm, kind voice, was saying

"You are too excitable, my darling: I would not have brought you here, if I had known it; you will make yourself ill; be quiet, and lean upon me."

clined to indulge something like contempt for her weakness of character and timidity of nature.

While I lived with the Stones, Sunday after Sunday saw my place in the church-pew regularly filled by my person. My person, I say advisedly, for in my life of slavery the time of service on the Sunday, had always been a time of liberty; a time for the indulgence of day-dreamings, and wild, strange fancyings. The Stones lived in an old cathedral-town, and we always attended the cathedral-service; the music there was very fine; the organ was magnificent, and its tones gave a mystical elevation to my musings. Mine was the darkest corner of the pew; there I shrank back, and dreamed with open eyes the long sermon through.

But I struggled till I was free. Struggled so fiercely out of the darkness in which he held me, into the red, glorious, glowing light, The first Sunday we were in the Highthat he let me go, and stood looking at me, lands, my husband had taken pains to reach wonderingly. The calmness of his half-pity- a place where the church would be within an ing look, irritated me yet more. I poured easy distance, the evening before. out a torrent of wildly passionate words: as soon as they were spoken I would have given more than my life to recall them but we were both silent. Harold drew my arm through his, and led me down.

It was a wild country place; the houses were scattered far and wide, and apparently there were but few of them; yet the church was full to overflowing, and the people in the plain, unadorned old building, neat and I was miserable; ungrateful wretch that I sober in attire, serene and reverent in counwas! I shed bitter tears as we proceeded tenance, impressed me forcibly. Everything home in the twilight. I thought I had wound- was sternly simple about the service and the ed my husband deeply by my mad, impatient, preacher. Sitting beside my husband, I, angracious words. Before I slept, I had glancing up into his composed and attentive thrown myself on my knees, sobbed out my face, liked its expression, it was grand in sorrow, my wretchedness, and entreated his its calmness. I would not have ruffled it pardon. I remember he took me up and for the world; and as I found that once or kissed me, as he might have done a child; he twice his eyes sought mine, and that he then did not understand, one whit, what it was all looked uneasy, observing my straying and about; he had almost forgotten that he had dreamy glances, I tried to listen too; but the received any cause of offence: I found that art could not be learned in one day, and my to him it seemed a light matter; that in fu- thoughts would wander. ture I need not give way to any such agonizing apprehensions of having wounded his calm, not easily-perturbed spirit.

In the evening Harold asked me, rather doubtfully, if I would go again to church or stay at home-he was going. I would go, I He was too simply, unperplexedly, good said, and his face brightened. The evening for my comprehension. Yet I throned my- service was very short, and we were soon out self on an imagined elevation of intellectual again. It was a lovely evening. I felt in my superiority, and scorned his child-like single- husband's words-in many a little expression ness of heart. But this unhappy feeling grew and turn of thought, that this Sabbath worup gradually there was many a struggle shipping was, for him, no empty form, that first. I wished to believe my husband a he came from it holier and happier. That hero, and so to worship him; but the only evening there was a kind of sweet, serious, heroic aspect of his character, was the very chastened gravity in his tone and in his tenone in which my eyes could not see him. derness that drew my heart nearer his than I was a heathen, my husband a Christian! I had felt it before, and yet made me feel Do not be startled and call up visions of Hot-half afraid of him. Very docile in spirit as tentots, or dark-skinned creatures of any well as in act; for once, I tried to learn of my nation: I was only spiritually dark. I had husband.

always lived with professing Christians; We paced along the low, wild sea-shore, I had heard their professions, and felt their under the stars, in the balmy night air, and practice, and I was in heart truly a heathen. I tried to make him speak plainly to me of My aunt Aston was the only person of Chris- his faith and hope as a Christian. A girlish tian practice with whom I had been acquainted; shyness on his part-or what appeared to me of her I had seen little, and had always in- such-prevented my getting at the depth of

his religious feeling. He seemed to have a everything went smoothly and prosperously; vague awe and dread of speaking of these I guarded Harold's heart from the only thing things. If this Religion were a real thing, it that would wound it; in cherishing his happiseemed to me that it would bear to be looked ness I found my own. But I had no real and at in the face-to be spoken of in plain sufficient occupation; so much time and nowords; but I could get from Harold nothing thing to do in it; such a superfluity of unap but indefinite generalizations: of his indi- plied power-such a lack of necessary pavidual experience I could learn nothing, and tience. I soon became conscious that there I did not want to hear from his lips any of the trite common-places that I heard so often before. I found that my husband could not reason-could not even give a reason for his faith. I ought to have looked to his life for the teaching I wanted.

was always a great aching void at my heart. Where I thought to find sympathy with every thought and emotion, a constant stimulus to all aspiration and mental exertion, I did not always find myself even understood. After awhile my vague uneasiness deepened into torturing longing and disquiet.

After this evening, the subject of religion came to be an avoided one between us. I In my drawing-room I had found a splendid am sure I had unwittingly pained Harold piano. Harold had said he liked music. I by my tone, and I think he dreaded to find thought I had discovered both an occupation out how shallow were the waters of my belief. and a motive for it, when I applied myself He loved me so well, that even this shadowy heart and soul to the cultivation of my musiimagining and dread weakened his own faith. He loosed his anchor from its firmest hold in the haven of true rest, and so was more at the mercy of the wind and waves, liable to be wearily driven about and tossed.

cal power. The slightest expression of a wish to take lessons placed the services of a firstrate master at my disposal. I had the taste of a real musician, and was already more than ordinarily accomplished in the art; now I All my influence—and I gradually grew to studied root and branch, theory and practice, have much-over my husband was injurious throwing all my unapplied energy into my to him-unhappy for him. It was of a de- endeavor. My zeal lasted through a whole structive kind for a woman to possess of a autumn and winter: I wanted to surprise Hafiendish kind for any woman to wield. Herold by my performance, so never let him grew to fear my uncertain temper, my scorn hear my practice. I employed myself in the or sarcasm, expressed seldom perhaps by composition of a piece. I had attempted this, words, but often by look and gesture, which he read too much aright. I loved power diabolically, because for its own sake. I felt my power over him, and made him feel it too.

before in the long, lonely evenings often spent at the school-room piano at the Stones. The theme of this present effort was very wild and fanciful; mournful in the beginning-more mournful in the end-dying out into the extreme silence of death. Midway between beIginning and end was a lively movement, full of some great tumultuous joy.

a

Our sojourn in the Highlands was, on the whole, a happy one: looked back on from later time, it showed very fair and bright. would willingly have prolonged it, but I fancied my husband began to show signs of weariness at the close of a month. So we went

home.

CHAPTER III.

I submitted my MS. to my master's perusal. He played it through once or twice. I interrupted him impatiently to show him an ill-expressed meaning. When he had finished he bowed and paid me some compliments, showing me tears in his eyes; but I did not listen or heed-I only wanted the use of his knowledge, not the expression of his praise; and so I somewhat haughtily gave him to understand. He bowed again, and then favored me with some straightforward criticisms that were really useful.

My home was very beautiful. Harold's thoughtful love had collected there, books, birds, pictures, music, flowers; everything he could think of that should help to make my solitary morning hours pass away swiftly and pleasantly. My heart would have been very, very hard had it not been deeply grateful in its first surprise. Our coming to such a home It was the London season; my husband could not be anything but happy. I thought, wished to see me do the honors of his beautiwhen he planned and arranged all these things, ful house. So we were to give a very large how many beautiful anticipations of future party. It rather pleased me to be the centre happiness must have been clustering and of attraction in a large circle, and yet I debrightening round my dear husband's heart. spised myself for the pleasure it gave me. In Such reflections quite subdued me, filling this, as in many things, I felt my two natures me with a strange pitying love for him. For at war. awhile I kept such a strict watch and ward This particular evening it was more pride over my tongue and temper, ruled my rebel- for my husband than any care for the opinion lious nature with such an iron hand, that formed of me, that determined me to appear

to the best possible advantage. I knew many of his old friends and associates would be present, and I wanted him to feel not only not ashamed, but proud, of his wife.

lor days; during our courtship I had sometimes heard of Mr. Gower, and always in a way that inclined me, half from jealousy, to think unfavorably of him. His careful obserIn spite of everything incongruous in our vation of me, of which I was all the time natures, I loved Harold passionately, even aware, rendered my reception of our first when in my maddest moods I rendered him guests ungraceful and embarrassed; but I soon scorn and unwomanly despising in lieu of that succeeded in divesting myself of the troublewifely duty and loving gratitude he might so some consciousness of that observance. justly claim from me-even then I loved him.

It was very pleasant to me to see Harold I never lost sight of this love-it made a tor-moving about the thronged rooms, always ture of many things which indifference would overtopping every one else, so that his handhave helped me to bear easily. I had a some, loving eyes seemed to find out his little passionate power of loving in my nature-on wife in whatever corner she might be. But whom else could I lavish it? when our eyes met, and mine brightened unThat night we were happy and gay; we der his look, withdrawing them I was sure to stood in the drawing-room together, waiting find Mr. Gower observing us. Whether he our guests, and chatted merrily over the fire. stood, as he often did, leaning against some There was nothing to excite any of the feel- door, or table, or part of the wall, idle and ing which Harold did not comprehend in me, indifferent, or whether he were engaged in so it slumbered a dead sleep, and I was quiet-apparently animated and earnest conversaly content. I was not in the least nervous tion, he always seemed so watch me. about the reception or amusement of our I exerted myself to talk and to please; ofguests, though this was our first attempt of ten I found myself the centre of a brilliant the kind. Our rooms looked beautiful, orna- circle, listened to admiringly, and I thought I mented and perfumed with hosts of lovely only liked this because it so evidently gratiflowers. Harold was more than satisfied with fied my husband. It was a new phase of life my appearance-we were sure all would go to me, and yet it seemed strangely old and well. My husband seemed to expect me to worn already before that evening was half be very timid and anxious, and in want of over. In the gay, superficial, or technical encouragement, and when I looked up fear- conversation about books and things the lessly in his face, and told him I was not at things being pictures, operas, and so forth— all uneasy; that I did not care enough about no deep notes were struck, or if they were, it any of these people, to be at all afraid; that was by so mere a chance, by so careless a only for his sake, that he might not feel hand, that they seemed to deserve no heed, ashamed of his poor little wife, should I trou- till Mr. Gower drew near; then the tone of ble myself at all about them; he looked down the gossipping prattle always changed. He on me with a half-pleased, half-puzzled ex- chose to interpret earnestly some careless senpression that amused me. tences of mine, giving them a profound, hidden meaning; he tried to draw me out, to make me feel he understood me, and was worthy of something more than I gave others. But I grew silent in his presence, I would not be interested by him, and slipped away from the circles he joined. I felt, in some strange, half-angry way, afraid of him.

"What a very majestic little queen you would make," he exclaimed, stooping down to kiss me.

"Mr. Gower!" a servant announced just at that moment; but that gentleman had contrived already to be in the middle of the room, though we had heard no noise. Harold greeted his guest in rather a confused manner, and I in the coldest and proudest way.

There were many fine professional and amateur musicians present, among the former, of course, my master. I was asked to play.

This gentleman had already been introduced to me, and I disliked him. Harold al- "I hear that Mrs. Warden is a very accomways appeared to the least possible advantage plished musician," Mr. Gower said, coming up in his presence. Mr. Gower had a manner to Harold; "I am told she has composed a of lording it over him which I deeply resent-piece which shows wonderful talent and even ed; he seemed to feel for my husband a genius. We must hear it, Mrs. Warden,” he curious mixture of liking and contempt. I added, turning to me. was vexed he should have heard our nonsense, Now the surprise my playing would give as I knew he would consider it. We were a Harold and his pleasure were to be the crownvery uncomfortable trio for the few minutes ing triumph of my evening, which was altothat elapsed before any one else arrived; I gether to be a triumph-but my own music I drew myself up stiffly, only vouchsafing Mr. had not intended to play. I was very unwilGower a word or look when it was absolutely ling to do so; to me it seemed a revelation of necessary. I knew this man had possessed my inmost soul, and too sacred to be played great influence with my husband in his bache-there and then. But my music-master had

But why so

noised abroad the fact of the existence of this with such earnest, that I had better take care composition, and I could not avoid perform- society did not engross you. ing it without making much more demonstra- grave and silent?" tion of my dislike to do so than I was willing. "Do you think I care for society, or for My MS. was placed on the music-stand-what your world thinks of me?" I asked, Mr. Gower stood ready to turn over the pages. scornfully, moving my shoulder pettishly away I felt a presentiment that my music would de- from under his hand. stroy all my calm and peace for that evening, "Well, love, I did not know; I thought you but I sat down to play. Respect for the mis- seemed to enjoy yourself, seemed to be in good tress of the house in the musician hushed spirits. I suppose all women like admiration, every one in the room. The first chords and you have been pronounced fascinating, the first wails sounded upon a perfect silence and I don't know what all. How splenthey stirred my soul powerfully, and then I didly you did play! How secret you must played on, forgetting all and everything but have been about your practising; you were the meaning and burthen of my music. I am determined to shine, I see. But why don't sure my cheek changed color as I went on, it you compose polkas, or valses, or something flushed and chilled so rapidly. When I had merry of that kind, instead of such dismal, let the last chords die out into the silence incomprehensible music? Do you know, I there arose a great buzz and murmur, and don't suppose half the people knew what to people pressed round me with extravagant make of it, only— expressions of admiration and delight. I sat "Do not say any more about that miserable still a moment, my hand still lying on the piece! I cannot bear it to-night!" I exkeys, my eyes fixed on them-I was bewild-claimed. "I thought you would understand ered, and wanted my husband. When I rose it. O Harold! it is very hard! when I try I met that strange pair of eyes fixed on me. hardest to please you, I fail. Do you think I Mr. Gower had turned over my pages with- practised, caring to please any one but you? out speaking a word; now he said, "It is too beautiful to be played or praised here." He spoke softly, and offered me his arm. But my eyes had found Harold, and brought him to me, his arm was ready, and I took that, looking up inquiringly, half-fearfully into his face. He shook his head and said

"You should not write such sorrowful music, Annie; it cannot please those who love you. It is not at all my sort; I suppose I don't understand it. But don't look heartbroken; every one is praising and admiring it, and appearing quite delighted."

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We shall never understand each other, never be happy. I am quite weary of trying, weary of everything. You cannot love me as I love you, or you would learn to comprehend me. Everything turns to pain, to torture. What have I done, that I may never be happy? I have no one but you-no one; and there is no sympathy between us. We shall leave off loving each other: I shall turn your love to hate. I wish I were dead-dead and quiet." I began to sob violently. I felt what the expression of my husband's face was; though I did not look up at him.

I soon left him, and wandered about among "What is the matter, Annie?" he exmy guests. "I might have known he would claimed. "For God's sake be quiet-for my not like, or understand it," I muttered bitterly sake. Miserable! What have you said? to myself" fool that I am!" The congratu- You are worn out and over-excited, poor lations and compliments I received from all child! Pray, pray be quiet. Remember, quarters only nourished the fever of pain and disappointment in my heart. When every one was gone, I sat down before the dying fire, and sighed wearily.

"A very brilliant evening, Annie!" Harold said, coming up joyously, and putting his hand on my shoulder. "You have had a decided success, my little wife. You will be quite the rage, if you choose to mix much in society. I said you would make an admirable queen." His words sounded mockingly in my ears; I sat still and silent, and he went on, standing beside me, and speaking gayly.

"I should not like you to be transformed into a woman of fashion: my little quiet mouse to be talked about and written about, as having been here and there, and said and worn so and so. The idea is ridiculous! Gower was saying, that whatever you did, you would do

I

"Yes-I remember everything!" I answered. "That only makes it worse. ought to be happy! Yes, of course I ought. You have loaded me with gifts, you have petted and spoiled me; and now, like a naughty child, I quarrel with my playthings! I am ungrateful, discontented, wicked! I have received thousands of benefits; I am sumptuously lodged and clothed in fine linen, and yet I hold up my greedy hands, and cry out for something more. Poor child! No; you should say naughty child!—you should scold and punish me!"

"Annie!" Harold broke in upon my scornful, passionate words; "Annie! you must be quiet, and listen to me."

I shut my lips firmly, clasped my hands tightly round my knees, and sat staring fixedly into the fire. In its dim red hollowness,

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