THOMAS HAYNES Bayly. WHY DON'T THE MEN PROPOSE? | But Spurzheim could not touch their WHY don't the men propose, mam ma? Why don't the men propose? It is no fault of yours, mamma, I'm sure I've done my best, mamma, For coronets and eldest sons I'm ever on the watch; I've hopes when some distingué beau A glance upon me throws; hearts, And, oh! they won't propose! I threw aside the books, and thought I felt convinced that men preferr'd Last night, at Lady Ramble's rout, Exclaim, "Now I propose again!" I really thought my time was come, But though he'll dance, and smile, But, oh! I found 'twas only at and flirt, Ecarté he'd propose! And what is to be done, mamma? Oh! what is to be done? I really have no time to lose, At balls I am too often left Where spinsters sit in rows; Why won't the men propose, mamma? Why won't the men propose? Than track old Nilus to his silver For that, she will not trust us often roots, And wait on all the changes of the moon Among the mountain-peaks of Thessaly, (Until her magic crystal round itself For many a witch to see in) set it down As weakness-strength by no means. How is this That men of science, osteologists And surgeons, beat some poets in respect For nature, - count nought common or unclean, [mens Spend raptures upon perfect speciOf indurated veins, distorted joints, Or beautiful new cases of curved spine; While we, we are shocked at nature's falling off. We dare to shrink back from her warts and blains, We will not, when she sneezes, look | And surging seas and aspectable stars They fought the dogs, and killed the For dolts that can't or won't deter To find the remedy we're lacking, Or, sure as fate, we'll send you packing!' At this, the mayor and corporation Quaked with a mighty consternation. An hour they sate in counsel — At length the mayor broke silence: "For a guilder I'd my ermine gown sell; I wish I were a mile hence! It's easy to bid one rack one's brainI'm sure my poor head aches again, I've scratched it so, and all in vain. Oh, for a trap, a trap, a trap!" Just as he said this, what should hap At the chamber door but a gentle tap? "Bless us," cried the mayor, "what's that ?" (With the corporation as he sat, Looking little, though wondrous fat; Nor brighter was his eye, nor moister, Than a too-long-opened oyster, Save when at noon his paunch grew mutinous For a plate of turtle, green and glutinous) "Only a scraping of shoes on the mat ? Anything like the sound of a rat "Come in!" the mayor cried, looking bigger: And in did come the strangest figure! His queer long coat from heel to head Was half of yellow and half of red; And he himself was tall and thin; With sharp blue eyes, each like a pin: And light loose hair, yet swarthy skin; No tuft on cheek, nor beard on chin, But lips where smiles went out and He advanced to the council-table: And, Please your honors," said he, "I'm able, By means of a secret charm, to draw And people call me the Pied Piper." (And here they noticed round his neck A scarf of red and yellow stripe, To match with his coat of the selfsame check; And at the scarf's end hung a pipe; And his fingers, they noticed, were ever straying As if impatient to be playing am, In Tartary I freed the Cham, Last June, from his huge swarm of gnats; I eased in Asia the Nizam Of a monstrous brood of vampirebats; And, as for what your brain bewilders If I can rid your town of rats, Will you give me a thousand guilders?" "One ? fifty thousand!"-was the exclamation Of the astonished mayor and corporation. Into the street the piper stept, Smiling first a little smile, As if he knew what magic slept In his quiet pipe the while; Then, like a musical adept, To blow the pipe his lips he wrinkled, And green and blue his sharp eyes twinkled, Like a candle flame where salt is sprinkled; And ere three shrill notes the pipe uttered, You heard as if an army muttered; And the muttering grew to a grumbling; And the grumbling grew to a mighty rumbling; And out of the houses the rats came tumbling. Great rats, small rats, lean rats, brawny rats, Brown rats, black rats, grey rats, tawny rats, Glorious, scarce an inch before me, Just as methought it said, Come, bore me, -I found the Weser rolling o'er me." You should have heard the Hamelin people Ringing the bells till they rocked the steeple: Grave old plodders, gay young frisk-“Go,” cried the mayor, "and get ers, Fathers, mothers, uncles, cousins, Cocking tails and pricking whiskers; Families by tens and dozens, Brothers, sisters, husbands, wivesFollowed the piper for their lives. From street to street he piped advancing, And step by step they followed dancing, Until they came to the river Weser Swam across and lived to carry of the pipe, I heard a sound as of scraping tripe, And putting apples, wondrous ripe, Into à cider-press's gripe And a moving away of pickle-tubboards, And a leaving ajar of conserve-cupboards. long poles! Poke out the nests and block up the holes! Consult with carpenters and builders, And leave in our town not even a trace Of the rats!"-when suddenly, up the face Of the piper perked in the marketplace, With a, First, if you please, my thousand guilders!" With a gipsy coat of red and yellow! And a drawing the corks of train-oil-"Beside," quoth the mayor, with a |