Bessie, Gwendolyn, Eupheme, A SONNET 2 BY JAMES KENNETH STEPHEN Two voices are there: one is of the deep; It learns the storm-cloud's thunderous melody, Which bleats articulate monotony, And indicates that two and one are three, That grass is green, lakes damp, and mountains steep: Than write such hopeless rubbish as thy worst. 1 This is a parody of Leigh Hunt's poem on p. 358. 2 A parody of Wordsworth's sonnet, England and Switzerland, 1802. See p. 317. ON A MAGAZINE SONNET BY RUSSEL HILLARD LOines "Scorn not the sonnet," though its strength be sapped, Nor say malignant its inventor blundered; The corpse that here in fourteen lines is wrapped SPRATT VS. SPRATT (With genuflections to Owen Seaman and the Ghost of Guy Wetmore Carryl) BY LOUIS UNTERMEYER Of all of the gruesome attempts at a twosome They argued at breakfast, they argued at tea, The paterfamilias was rather a silly ass A garrulous glutton, he ate up the mutton, His dining-room manner was almost obscene: He threw his wife fat while he gobbled the lean! 1 A. M. He railed at her reading, her brain and her breeding, Her goodness, her glands and her girth; He mentioned with loathing the state of her clothing And also the State of her birth.1 But his malice exceeded all bounds of control When he scoffed at her Art and the state of her Soul. To show her what home meant he gave her no moment Of leisure, not even at night. He bellowed, "I'll teach ye to read Shaw and Nietszche," And quoted from Harold Bell Wright. "The place for a woman-" he'd start, very glib And so on for two or three hours ad lib.2 So very malignant became his indignant That at last she revolted; she upped and she bolted Her will left him silent in pique up in Darien 3 And The Moral is this (though a bit abstruse): When it rouses the violent feminine dander, Is apt to be sauce for the propaganda! 1 Oklahoma. 2 also ad nauseam. 3 Connecticut. 4 A Journal for Devout Dieticians. A CREW POEM BY EDWARD AUGUSTUS BLOUNT, JR. So happy were Columbia's eight, THE HEAVY DRAGOON BY W. S. GILBERT If you want a receipt for that popular mystery, The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the Victory- The humour of Fielding (which sounds contradictory) Coolness of Paget about to trepan The grace of Mozart, that unparalleled musico- Take of these elements all that is fusible, If you want a receipt for this soldierlike paragon, The genius strategic of Cæsar or Hannibal— Take of these elements all that is fusible- ADVICE TO WORRIERS BY GEORGE KAUPMAN Pray list to me a modest while; |