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I am, Sir, a Bachelor of some standing, and a Traveller; my Business, to confult my own Humour, which I gratify without controlling other People's; I have a 'Room and a whole Bed to myfelf; and I have a Dog, a Fiddle, and a Gun; they please me, and injure no 'Creature alive. My chief Meal is a Supper, which I always make at a Tavern. I am conftant to an Hour, and not ill-humoured; for which Reasons, tho' I invite no Body, I have no fooner fupp'd, than I have a Crowd about me of that fort of good Company that know not ' whither elfe to go. It is true every Man pays his Share; yet as they are Intruders, I have an undoubted Right to be the only Speaker, or at least the loudeft; ' which I maintain, and that to the great Emolument of my Audience. I fometimes tell them their own ' in pretty free Language; and fometimes divert them with merry Tales, according as I am in Humour. 'I am one of those who live in Taverns to a great Age, by a fort of regular Intemperance; I never go to Bed drunk, but always flufter'd; I wear away very gently, am apt to be peevish, but never angry. Mr. SPE C< TATOR, If you have kept various Company, you 'know there is in every Tavern in Town fome old 'Humourist or other, who is Master of the House as 'much as he that keeps it. The Drawers are all in Awe of him; and all the Cuftomers, who frequent his Company, yield him a fort of comical Obedience. I do not know but I may be fuch a Fellow as this myself. But I appeal to you, whether this is to be called a Club, because fo many Impertinents will break in upon me, ⚫ and come without Appointment? Clinch of Barnet has a nightly Meeting, and fhows to every one that will come in and pay; but then he is the only Actor. Why 'fhould People mifcal things? If his is allow'd to be a Confort, why mayn't mine be a Lecture? However, Sir, I fubmit it to you, and am,

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Good Sir,

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OU and I were prefs'd against each other last Winter in a Crowd, in which uneafy Posture we fuffer'd together for almost half an Hour. I thank you for all your Civilities ever fince, in being of my Acquaintance wherever you meet me. But the other Day you pull'd off your Hat to me in the Park when I was walking with my Miftrefs. She did not like your Air, and faid fhe wondered what ftrange Fellows I was acquainted with. Dear Sir, confider it is as much as my Life is worth, if she should think we were intimate; therefore I earnesty intreat you for the future to take no manner of Notice of,

SIR,

Your obliged bumble Servant,
Will. Fashion.

A like Impertinence is alfo very troublesome to the fuperior and more intelligent Part of the fair Sex. It is, it feems, a great Inconvenience, that thofe of the meaneft Capacities will pretend to make Vifits, tho' 'indeed they are qualified rather to add to the Furniture of the House (by filling an empty Chair) than to the Converfation they come into when they vifit. A Friend of mine hopes for Redress in this Cafe, by the Publication of her Letter in my Paper; which the thinks thofe she would be rid of will take to themfelves. It seems to be written with an Eye to one of thofe pert giddy unthinking Girls, who upon the Recommendation only of an agreeable Perfon, and a fashionable Air, take themfelves to be upon a Level with Women of the greatest Merit.

MADAM,

I

TAKE this Way to acquaint you with what common Rules and Forms would never permit me to ⚫ tell you otherwife; to wit, that you and I, tho' Equals in Quality and Fortune, are by no means fuitable Companions. You are, 'tis true, very pretty, can dance, and make a very good Figure in a publick Affembly;

• but alas, Madam, you must go no further; Distance and Silence are your beft Recommendations; there'fore let me beg of you never to make me any more Vifits. You come in a literal Senfe to fee one, for you have nothing to fay. I do not fay this, that I would by any Means lofe your Acquaintance; but I would keep it up with the ftrictest Forms of Goodbreeding. Let us pay Vifits, but never fee one another: If you will be fo good as to deny your felf always to me, I fhall return the Obligation by giving the fame Orders to my Servants. When Accident ⚫ makes us meet at a third Place, we may mutually la'ment the Misfortune of never finding one another at home, go in the fame Party to a Benefit-Play, and fmile at each other, and put down Glaffes as we pafs in our Coaches. Thus we may enjoy as much of each 'other's Friendship as we are capable: For there are fome People who are to be known only by Sight, ⚫ with which fort of Friendship I hope you will always ⚫ honour,

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Your most obedient humble Servant,
Mary Tuesday.

P. S.I fubfcribe myfelf by the Name of the Day I keep, that my fupernumerary Friends may know who I am.

ADVERTISEMENT.

To prevent all Miftakes, that may happen among Gentlemen of the other End of the Town, who come but once a Week to St. James's Coffee-houfe, either by mifcalling the Servants, or requiring fuch things from them as are not properly within their respective Provinces; this is to give Notice, that Kidney, Keeper of the Book-Debts of the outlying Cuftomers, and Obferver of those who go off without paying, having refign'd that Employment, is fucceeded by John Sowton; to whofe Place of Enterer of Meffages and firft Coffee Grinder William Bird is promoted; and Samuel Burdock comes as Shoe-Cleaner in the Room of the faid

Bird.

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R

Thursday,

SHEMDESROUNDTRY

N° 25. Thursday, March 29.

Egrefcitque medendo. Virg. Æn. 12. v. 46. And fickens by the very means of Health.

HE following Letter will explain itself, and needs no Apology.

TH

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SIR,

I

AM one of that fickly Tribe who are commonly known by the Name of Valetudinarians; and do confefs to you, that I firft contracted this ill Habit of Body, or rather of Mind, by the Study of Phyfick. I no fooner began to perufe Books of this Nature, but I found my Pulfe was irregular; and 'fcarce ever read the Account of any Disease that I did not fancy myself afflicted with. Doctor Sydenham's learned Treatife of Fevers threw me into a lingring Hectick, which hung upon me all the while I was reading that excellent Piece. I then applied myself to the Study of feveral Authors, who have written upon Phthifical Diftempers, and by that means fell ⚫ into a Confumption; till at length, growing very fat, I was in a manner fhamed out of that Imagination. Not long after this I found in myself all the Symptoms ⚫ of the Gout, except Pain; but was cured of it by a • Treatise upon the Gravel, written by a very Ingenious Author, who (as it is ufual for Phyficians to convert one Diftemper into another) eased me of the Gout by giving me the Stone. I at length ftudied myself into a Complication of Diftempers; but, accidentally taking into my Hand that Ingenious Difcourfe written by Sanctorius, I was refolved to direct myfelf by a Scheme of Rules, which I had collected from his Obfervations. The learned World are very well acquainted with that Gentleman's Invention; who, for

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the better carrying on of his Experiments, contrived a certain Mathematical Chair, which was fo Artifi'cially hung upon Springs, that it would weigh any thing as well as a Pair of Scales. By this means he discovered how many Ounces of his Food pafs'd by Perfpiration, what Quantity of it was turned into Nourishment, and how much went away by the other • Channels and Diftributions of Nature.

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HAVING provided myself with this Chair, I used to Study, Eat, Drink, and Sleep in it; Infomuch that may be faid, for these three laft Years, to have lived in a Pair of Scales. I compute myself, when I am in 'full Health, to be precifely Two hundred Weight, falling fhort of it about a Pound after a Day's Faft, ' and exceeding it as much after a very full Meal; fo that it is my continual Employment, to trim the Ba'lance between thefe two Volatile Pounds in my Con* ftitution. In my ordinary Meals I fetch myself up to 'two hundred Weight and half a Pound; and if after having dined I find myself fall fhort of it, I drink I juft fo much Small Beer, or eat fuch a Quantity of 'Bread, as is fufficient to make me weight. In my greatest Exceffes I do not tranfgrefs more than the other half Pound; which, for my Health's fake, I do the first Monday in every Month. As foon as I find myself ' duly poised after Dinner, I walk till I have perfpired 'five Ounces and four Scruples; and when I discover, by my Chair, that I am fo far reduced, I fall to my Books, and study away three Ounces more. As for 'the remaining Parts of the Pound, I keep no account ' of them. I do not dine and fup by the Clock, but by my Chair; for when that informs me my Pound of Food is exhaufted, I conclude myself to be hungry, ⚫ and lay in another with all Diligence. In my Days ' of Abftinence I lofe a Pound and an half, and on ⚫ folemn Fasts am two Pound lighter than on other Days ' in the Year.

,

I allow myself, one Night with another, a Quarter of a Pound of Sleep within a few Grains more or less; and if upon my rifing I find that I have not confumed my whole Quantity, I take out the reft in my Chair. Upon an exact Calculation of what I expended and "received

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