I believe I fhall fet my Heart upon her; and think never the worse of my Mistress for an Epigram a smart Fellow writ, as he thought, against her; it does but the more recommend her to me. At the fame time I cannot but discover that his Malice is ftoln from Martial. Tata places, Audita places, fi non videare Whilft in the Dark on thy foft Hand I hung, OUR Letter to us we have received, as a fignal • We fhall be heartily glad to see your short Face in Oxford: And fince the Wisdom of our Legislature has been immortalized in your Speculations, and our perfonal • Deformities in fome fort by you recorded to all Pofte⚫rity; we hold our felves in Gratitude bound to receive, with the higheft Refpect, all fuch Perfons as for their ⚫ extraordinary Merit you fhall think fit, from time to 'time, to recommend unto the Board. As for the Pictish Damfel, we have an eafy Chair prepared at the upper End of the Table; which we doubt not but she will grace with a very hideous Afpect, and much better become the Seat in the native and unaffected Uncomeli• nefs of her Perfon, than with all the fuperficial Airs ⚫ of the Pencil, which (as you have very ingeniously ob'ferved) vanish with a Breath, and the most innocent Adorer may deface the Shrine with a Salutation, and, in the literal Sense of our Poets, fnatch and imprint his • balmy Kiffes, and devour her melting Lips: In short, ⚫ the only Faces of the Pictish Kind that will endure the • Weather, muft be of Dr. Carbuncle's Die; tho' his, in truth, has coft him a World the Painting; but then he boafts with Zeuxes, In æternitatem pingo; and oft jocofely tells the Fair Ones, would they acquire Colours that would ftand kiffing, they muft no longer Paint but • Drink for a Complexion: A Maxim that in this our Age has been pursued with no ill Succefs; and has been as admirable in its Effects, as the famous Cofmetick men ⚫tioned ⚫tioned in the Poft-man, and invented by the renowned British Hippocrates of the Peftle and Mortar; making the Party, after a due Course, rofy, hale, and airy; and the best and most approved Receipt now extant for the Fever of the Spirits. But to return to our Female Candidate, who, I understand, is returned to her felf, and ⚫ will no longer hang out falfe Colours; as she is the first ⚫ of her Sex that has done us fo great an Honour, she will certainly, in a very fhort time, both in Prose and Verfe, be a Lady of the most celebrated Deformity now living; and meet with Admirers here as frightful as herfelf. But being a long-headed Gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine fhe has fome further Design than you have yet penetrated; and perhaps has more mind to the SPECTATOR than any of his Fraternity, as the • Perfon of all the World fhe could like for a Paramour: And if fo, really I cannot but applaud her Choice ;. and fhould be glad if it might lie in my Power, to effect. an amicable Accommodation betwixt two Faces of fuch. • different Extremes, as the only poffible Expedient, to mend the Breed, and rectify the Phyfiognomy of the Family on both Sides. And again, as fhe is a Lady of a very fluent Elocution, you need not fear that your firft Child will be born dumb, which otherwise you might have fome Reafon to be apprehenfive of. To be plain with you, I can fee nothing fhocking in it;: for tho' fhe has not a Face like a John-Apple, yet as a late Friend of mine, who at Sixty-five ventured on a Lafs of Fifteen, very frequently, in the remaining five Years of his Life, gave me to understand, That, as old as he then feemed, when they were firft married: he and his Spouse could make but Fourfcore; fo may Madam Hecatiffa very juftly alledge hereafter, That, as long vifaged as the may then be thought, upon their Wedding-day Mr. SPECTATOR and he had but Half an Ell of Face betwixt them: And this my very worthy Predeceffor, Mr. Sergeant Chin, always maintained to be no more than the true oval Proportion between • Man and Wife. But as this may be a new thing to you, who have hitherto had no Expectations from Women,. I fhall allow you what Time you think fit to confider on't; not without fome Hope of feeing at laft 6 your. 1 ⚫ your Thoughts hereupon fubjoin'd to mine, and which is an Honour much defired by, SIR, Your affured Friend, and most humble Servant, Hugh Gobling, Præfes." THE following Letter has not much in it, but as it is written in my own Praise I cannot from my Heart fuppress it. SIR, Yo OU propofed, in your SPECTATOR of last Tuesday, Mr. Hobbs's Hypothefis, for folving that very odd Phænomenon of Laughter. You have made the Hypothefis valuable by efpoufing it your felf; for had it continued Mr. Hobbs's, no Body would have minded it. Now here this perplexed Cafe arifes. A certain Company laugh'd very heartily upon the Reading of that very Paper of yours: And the Truth on it is, he must be a Man of more than ora Conftancy that could ftand it out against fo much Comedy, and not do as we did. Now there are few Men in the World fo far loft to all good Senfe, as to look upon you to be a Man in a State of Folly inferior to himself. Pray then how do you juftify your Hypothefis of Laughter? Thursday, the 26th of the Month of Fools. SIR, IN Your most humble, Q. R1 N anfwer to your Letter, I muft defire you to recollect your felf; and you will find, that when you did me the Honour to be fo merry over my Paper, you laughed at the Idiot, the German Cour 'tier, the Gaper, the Merry-Andrew, the Haberdasher, the Biter, the Butt, and not at Your humble Servant, The SPECTATOR. Tuesday, N° 53. Tuesday, May 1. aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus. Hor. Ars Poet. v. 359. Homer himself bath been obferv'd to nod. M ROSCOMMON. Y Correfpondents grow fo numerous, that I cannot avoid frequently inserting their Applications to me. Mr. SPECTATOR, I to m AM glad I can inform you, that your Endeavours to adorn that Sex, which is the fairest Part of the vifible Creation, are well received, and like to prove. ⚫ not unsuccessful. The Triumph of Daphne over her • Sifter Letitia has been the Subject of Conversation at feal Tea-Tables where I have been prefent; and I nave obferved the fair Circle not a little pleased to find. you confidering them as reasonable Creatures, and endeavouring to banish that Mahomet anCustom, which had ⚫ too much prevailed even in this Ifland, of treating Women as if they had no Souls. I must do them the Juftice to fay, that there feems to be nothing wanting to the ⚫ finishing of these lovely Pieces of Human Nature, be⚫ fides the turning and applying their Ambition properly, ⚫ and the keeping them up to a Senfe of what is their true Merit. Epictetus, that plain honeft Philofopher, as little as he had of Gallantry, appears to have understood them, as well as the polite St. Evremont, and has hit this • Point very luckily. When Young Women, fays he, arrive at a certain Age, they bear themselves called Miftreffes, ⚫ and are made to believe that their only Bufinefs is to please the Men; they immediately begin to drefs, and place all "their Hopes in the adorning of their Perfons; it is therefore, continues he, worth the while to endeavour by all "Means to make them fenfible, that the Honour paid to them is only upon Account of their conducting themselves with Virtue, Modefty, and Difcretion. • NOW J NOW to purfue the Matter yet further, and to render your Cares for the Improvement of the Fair Ones more effectual, I would propofe a new Method, like thofe Applications which are faid to convey their Virtue by Sympathy; and that is, that in order to embellish the Mistress, you fhould give a new Education to the Lover, and teach the Men not to be any longer dazzled by falfe Charms and unreal Beauty. I cannot but think that • if our Sex knew always how to place their Efteem justly, ⚫ the other would not be so often wanting to themselves in deferving it. For as the being enamoured with a • Woman of Sense and Virtue is an Improvement to a Man's Understanding and Morals, and the Paffion is en• nobled by the Object which inspires it; fo on the other fide, the appearing amiable to a Man of a wife and elegant Mind, carries in it felf no fmall Degree of • Merit and Accomplishment. I conclude therefore that one way to make the Women yet more agreeable is, to make the Men more virtuous, SIR, YOR I am, SIR, Your most humble Servant, R. B. April 26. OURS of Saturday laft I read, not without fome Refentment; but I will suppose when you say you expect an Inundation of Ribbons and Brocades, and to fee many new Vanities which the Women will fall into upon a Peace with France, that you intend only the unthinking Part of our Sex; and what Methods can re⚫duce them to Reafon is hard to imagine. BUT, Sir, there are others yet, that your Inftructi· ons might be of great Ufe to, who, after their best Endeavours, are fometimes at a Lofs to acquit themselves to a Cenforious World: I am far from thinking you can altogether disapprove of Converfation between Ladies and Gentlemen, regulated by the Rules of Honour and Prudence; and have thought it an Obferva⚫tion not ill made, that where that was wholly denied, the Women loft their Wit, and the Men their Goodmanners. 'Tis fure, from thofe improper Liberties you ⚫ mentioned, that a fort of undiftinguishing People fhall *banish |