N° 16. Monday, March 19. Quod verum atque decens curo & rogo, & omnis in hoc fum. What right, what true, what fit we justly call, I POPE. I Have received a Letter, defiring me to be very fatyrical upon the little Muff that is now in Fashion; another informs me of a Pair of filver Garters buckled below the Knee, that have been lately feen at the Rainbow Coffee-houfe in Fleetftreet; a third fends me an heavy Complaint againft fringed Gloves. To be brief, there is fcarce an Ornament of either Sex which one or other of my Correspondents has not inveigh'd against with fome Bitterness, and recommended to my Obfervation. must therefore, once for all, inform my Readers, that it is not my Intention to fink the Dignity of this my Paper with Reflexions upon Red-heels or Top-knots, but rather to enter into the Paffions of Mankind, and to correct those depraved Sentiments that give Birth to all those little Extravagancies which appear in their outward Drefs and Behaviour. Foppifh and fantastick Ornaments are only Indications of Vice, not criminal in themselves. Extinguish Vanity in the Mind, and you naturally retrench the little Superfluities of Garniture and Equipage. The Bloffoms will fall of themselves, when the Root that nourishes them is destroyed. . I fhall therefore, as I have faid, apply my Remedies to the first Seeds and Principles of an affected Dress, without descending to the Drefs it felf; though at the fame time I must own, that I have Thoughts of creating an Officer under me, to be entituled, The Cenfor of Small Wares, and of allotting him one Day in a Week for the Execution of fuch his Office. An Operator of this Nature might act under me, with the fame Regard as a Surgeon to a Phyfician; the one might be employed in healing thofe Blotches and Tumours which break out in the the Body, while the other is fweetning the Blood and rectifying the Conftitution. To fpeak truly, the young People of both Sexes are fo wonderfully apt to fhoot out into long Swords or sweeping Trains, bufhy Head-dreffes or full-bottom'd Periwigs, with feveral other Incumbrances of Dress, that they ftand in need of being pruned very frequently, left they should be oppreffed with Ornaments, and over-run with the Luxuriance of their Habits. I am much in doubt, whether I fhould give the Preference to a Quaker that is trimmed clofe and almost cut to the Quick, or to a Beau that is loaden with fuch a Redundance of Excrefcences. I must therefore defire my Correfpondents to let me know how they approve my Project, and whether they think the erecting of fuch a petty Cenforfhip may not turn to the Emolument of the Publick; for I would not do any thing of this Nature rafhly and without Advice. THERE is another Set of Correfpondents to whom I must address my felf in the second Place; I mean fuch as fill their Letters with private Scandal and black Accounts of particular Perfons and Families. The World is fo full of Ill-nature, that I have Lampoons fent me by People who cannot fpell, and Satires compofed by thofe who fcarce know how to write. By the laft Poft in particular I received a Packet of Scandal which is not legible; and have a whole Bundle of Letters in Womens Hands that are full of Blots and Calumnies, infomuch, that when I fee the Name Calia, Phillis, Poftera, or the like, at the Bottom of a Scrawl, I conclude on course that it brings me fome Account of a fallen Virgin, a faithlefs Wife, or an amorous Widow. I must therefore inform thefe my Correfpondents, that it is not my Defign to be a Publisher of Intrigues and Cuckoldoms, or to bring little infamous Stories out of their prefent lurk, ing-holes into broad Day-light, If I attack the Vicious, I hall only fet upon them in a Body; and will not be provoked by the worft Ufage I can receive from others, to make an Example of any particular Criminal. In fhort, I have fo much of a Drawcanfir in me, that I fhall pafs over a fingle Foe to charge whole Armies. It it not Lais nor Silenus, but the Harlot and the Drunkard, whom I fhall endeavour to expofe; and fhall confider the Crime as as it appears in a Species, not as it is circumftanced in ax Individual. I think it was Caligula, who wifhed the whole City of Rome had but one Neck, that he might behead them at a Blow. I fhall do out of Humanity, what that Emperor would have done in the Cruelty of his Temper, and aim every Stroke at a collective Body of Offenders. At the fame time I am very fenfible, that nothing spreads a Paper like private Calumny and Defamation; but as my Speculations are not. under this Neceffity, they are not expofed to this Temptation. IN the next Place I must apply my felf to my Party Correfpondents, who are continually teazing me to take notice of one another's Proceedings. How often am I asked by both Sides, if it is poffible for me to be an unconcerned Spectator of the Rogueries that are committed by the Party which is oppofite to him that writes the Letter. About two Days fince I was reproached with an old Grecian Law, that forbids any Man to ftand as a Neuter or a Looker-on in the Divifions of his Country. However, as I am very fenfible my Paper would lofe its whole Effect, fhould it run into the Outrages of a Party, I fhall take care to keep clear of every thing which looks that Way. If I can any way affuage private Inflammations, or allay publick Ferments, I fhall apply my felf to it with my utmost Endeavours; but will never let my Heart reproach me, with having done any thing towards increafing thofe Feuds and Animofities that extinguish Religion, deface Government, and make a Nation miferable. WHAT I have faid under the three foregoing Heads, will, I am afraid, very much retrench the Number of my Correfpondents: I fhall therefore acquaint my Reader, that if he has started any Hint which he is not able to purfue, if he has met with any furprifing Story which he does not know how to tell, if he has difcovered any Epidemical Vice which has efcaped my Obfervation, or has heard of any uncommon Virtue which he would defire to publish; in fhort, if he has any Materials that can furnish out an innocent Diverfion, I fhall promife him my best Affiftance in the working of them up for a pubKick Entertainment. THIS THIS Paper my Reader will find was intended for an Anfwer to a Multitude of Correspondents; but I hope he will pardon me if I fingle out one of them in particular, who has made me fo very humble a Request, that I cannot forbear complying with it. 6 SIR, I To the SPECTATOR. March 15, 1710-11. A M at prefent fo unfortunate, as to have nothing to do but to mind my own Bufinefs; and therefore beg of you that you will be pleased to put me into ⚫ fome fmall Poft under you. I obferve that you have appointed your Printer and Publisher to receive Letters and Advertisements for the City of London; and fhall think my felf very much honoured by you, if you will appoint me to take in Letters and Advertisements for the City of Westminster and the Dutchy of Lancaster. Though I cannot promife to fill fuch an Employment with fufficient Abilities, I will endeavour to make up with Industry and Fidelity what I want in Parts and Genius. I am, DRYDEN. INCE our Perfons are not of our own Making, when they are fuch as appear Defective or Uncomely, it is, methinks, an honest and laudable Fortitude to dare to be Ugly; at leaft to keep our felves from being abashed with a Consciousness of Imperfections which we cannot cannot help, and in which there is no Guilt. I would not defend an haggard Beau, for paffing away much time at a Glafs, and giving Softneffes and Languishing Graces to Deformity: All I intend is, that we ought to be contented with our Countenance and Shape, fo far, as never to give our felves an uneafy Reflexion on that Subject. It is to the ordinary People, who are not accustomed to make very proper Remarks on any Occafion, matter of great Jeft, if a Man enters with a prominent Pair of Shoulders into an Affembly, or is diftinguithed by an Expanfion of Mouth, or Obliquity of Afpect. It is happy for a Man, that has any of thefe Odneffes about him, if he can be as merry upon himself, as others are apt to be upon that Occafion: When he can poffefs himfelf with fuch a Chearfulness, Women and Children, who are at firft frighted at him, will afterwards be as much pleased with him. As it is barbarous in others to rally him for natural Defects, it is extremely agreeable when he can jeft upon himself for them. MADAM Maintenon's first Husband was an Hero in this Kind, and has drawn many Pleasantries from the Irregularity of his Shape, which he defcribes as very much refembling the Letter Z. He diverts himfelf likewife by representing to his Reader the Make of an Engine and Pully, with which he used to take off his Hat. When there happens to be any thing ridiculous in a Vifage, and the Owner of it thinks it an Afpect of Dignity, he muft be of very great Quality to be exempt from Rallery: The beft Expedient therefore is to be pleasant upon himfelf. Prince Harry and Falstaff, in Shakespear, have carried the Ridicule upon Fat and Lean as far as it will go. Falftaff is humorously called Woolfack, Bed-preffer, and Hill of Flesh; Harry, a Starveling, an Elves-skin, a Sheath, a Bow-cafe, and a Tuck. There is, in feveral Incidents of the Conversation between them, the Jet ftill kept up upon the Perfon. Great Tenderness and Senfi. bility in this Point is one of the greatest Weakneffes of Self-love. For my own part, I am a little unhappy i the Mold of my Face, which is not quite fo long as it is broad: Whether this might not partly arife from my opening my Mouth much feldomer than other People, and by Confequence not fo much lengthning the Fibres VOL. I. D |