ACADEMIC DISCUSSION. (Extracted from a Newspaper of a future date, when our own Undergraduates have followed the example recently set them at the Universities of Athens and Moscow.)

[FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.]

Cambridge, Monday. I REGRET to say that an incident occurred in one of the Trinity lecture-rooms this morning, which is likely to cause a fresh disturbance here. Professor SAWDUST, in his translation of a passage of THUCYDIDES, pointed out that the standard of courage amongst young men had been greatly lowered since the days of ancient

Greece. The class unanimously regarded these strictures as a deliberate insult to themselves, and they at once knocked the Professor down, and left the room. Subsequently a general meeting of the undergraduates was held, and an ultimatum was despatched to the master of the college, demanding a full apology and ten barrels of audit ale by way of compensation. The reply of the master has not been received up to the present, but if it be unfavourable, an outbreak of hostilities will certainly follow. Machine-guns already are being placed in those windows of the college which overlook the street.

Later.

No answer having been received, war has

been declared. Most of the Dons succeeded in making their escape over the river, but the Senior Dean, the HeadPorter, and a couple of bedmakers (who are suspected of being spies) are now imprisoned in the Buttery. The college is in a state of seige, and the Senate has been sitting for several hours to consider the situation. Reinforcements from Clare and Magdalene are said to be coming to the assistance of Trinity; but St. John's sides strongly with the professor, and their men have announced their intention of taking Trinity by storm to-morrow.

Tuesday.

Trinity is still untaken. One or two sorties occurred in the night, and seventy or eighty townsmen were shot, but no fighting of any real importance took place. There is great excitement at Newnham, where, despite the prohibition of the authorities, a mass meeting of students was held, which passed a resolution of sympathy with the Trinity rebels. Many ladies from the college have announced their intention of nursing the wounded.

Later. Fighting became general this afternoon, and scenes of terrible carnage took place. A body of Indian students, in native undress, attempted to join in the fray, but were quickly dispersed with the help of a fire-engine. Mr. OSCAR BROWNING superintended a skilful attack made by a body of King's men upon Dr. JACKSON's light infantry. His manoeuvres, I am informed, were based upon a scheme communicated by the GERMAN EMPEROR. It is rumoured that a strong force from Oxford has started by train in order to take part in the rising.

Wednesday.

Hostilities have suddenly come to an end. Thanks to the vigilance of the besiegers, the supplies of the Trinity garrison were entirely cut off. When it was discovered this morning that the whole stock of marmalade was exhausted, negotiations for a truce were at once begun. Six of their leaders met six Fellows of the college in conference in the market-place, and, after some difficulty, a peace honourable to both sides was signed. Professor SAWDUST is to lecture no more for three years, and the undergraduates approval is to be obtained for the appointment of his successor. A first-class in the Tripos is to be awarded to all the men of Trinity and their allies who showed conspicuous valour during the recent engagement. On the other hand, any undergraduate shooting a Don without sufficient cause is to be liable to be fined by the Proctors, and the prisoners are to be released with a caution.

The conclusion of peace has caused general rejoicing, and great festivities will take place to-night. An ox will be roasted whole in the great court of Trinity, and the fountain will flow with Château Lafitte.

The Henemy.

[Egga, the riverside stronghold of the Foulahs, has been destroyed as a precautionary measure.] THE Niger Expedition appears to be properly conducted. The proper way to disperse the "Foulah " army obviously being to destroy their "Egga."

FROM OUR OWN IRREPRESSIBLE JOKER (it is hoped now finally incarcerated).— Q. What is the cheapest kind of a yacht? A. A paper-cutter.

"

UNMUZZLED.

(Page from a Bad Dog's Diary.) WELL, they have taken it off at last! Not a moment too soon. However, all my practice has been for nothing. In a few days, I am sure I could have worked my mouth out, and then my friend the butcher boy would have had a lively time of it. I'll teach him to whistle at me! The scoundrel! But I said a time would come! And it has!

Ah! there's the tabby from No. 23. I rush at her. She waits calmly for me, thinking me muzzled. Unfortunately she discovers her mistake just as I get up to her, and hurries down an area. Rude brute! Swearing at the L. C. C. for doing an act of justice and mercy. Well, cats will swear at anything. Sorry I couldn't give her a nip for the sake of auld lang syne. Still, not nearly such good sport as the butcher boy. He's the lad for my money. I'll teach him to make grimaces at me! He'll be a great deal politer now that I can express my sentiments in the customary manner. Or if he isn't, I'll teach him.

The postman! Have a good bark at

him. Daren't go near him, as I know his boots. They are clumsy things, and hurt awfully. But he can't do anything to me if I keep out of his reach and bark. He's very angry, as my noise stops his chat with the housemaid who is doing the steps at No. 34. I don't care. If he dawdles much longer, my barking will attract my owner's attention. And then he will write to the Postmaster-General, or the papers, or something. So for his own sake, he'd better be civil.

Here comes a policeman. Wag my tail. Not that I like him, only its always best to be conciliatory to the powers that be. If it hadn't been for my coaxing ways I should never have been allowed out without my muzzle. My owner said he knew I should get into mischief. Well, well; I've never known him to tell a lie. And that reminds me. What has become of my friend the butcher boy.

The postman complains of me. Policeman says he can't do anything until I bite. Of course not. The housemaid (who seems to know the constable) chimes in. They are having quite a row about it. The discussion is closed by MARY finishing the steps of No. 34, and slamming the door. This gives me an opportunity for a good

sharp bark. The policeman looks at me, and I am off.

Clocks strikes. Surely this should be his time. Yes, there he goes on the other side of the road. Look round stealthily. My young friend is whistling, as usual. I'll teach him to whistle! He gets off his cart-tricycle and prepares to take out the mutton chops and round of beef for No. 76. Bravo! And I have got a bit of the cloth! He shouts. I run for my life. But it's no good. For here comes the policeman. Well, what if I did bite him. It's no business of mine.

The policeman seizes me by the collar. What's he going to do ? Oh, I see! Bless the L. C. C. They are always so thoughtful. The constable lets me go, as he's got my owner's name and address!

SPORTIVE SONGS.

A Philosophic Bard writes to his not too juvenile
Lady-love on the subject of the thaw, which she
has bitterly deplored in a letter to him.
THE snow has gone, the frost has fled,
And you regret the wintry scene.
Do you rejoice in things half-dead,
Or love the tree no longer green?
Are ice-blooms on the window-pane
Fairer to you than buds in Spring,
And must an Arctic Summer reign
To make the flowers that you sing?
Let NANSEN tell of mystic spell

That led him to the cheerless North.
For me the never-frozen well

Whence Love and Laughter bubble forth! The fount that in a sunny land

Knows not that biting bitter breath,

Nor feels the unrelenting hand

Of him who binds the sea with death.

You state that when you saw the snow
Trickle away in myriad tears,

You wept, the while you did not know
The meaning of your foolish fears.
You say you thought-indeed were sure-
You loved the earth so fair and white,
And mourned the passing of the pure
Into the dismal drip of night.

I quite believe this morbid craze
Of turning Nature's love to hate;
But surely on this day of daze

I

You had a bidding-call to skate?
say "a day of daze" because
Your turn of mind is much too true;
You only list to Fashion's laws.

You were invited-I was too.
Yes! Lady WRINKER bade me come-
You didn't know this little fact-
Indeed she wrote, "Do keep it 'mum,'

And look on with your well-known tact. For FLORRIE "-need I say that's you ?hope she doesn't know I knew. "Expects to meet her latest swain.

I

The only thing I fear is rain."
The rain came down! Your Acmes failed
To cut the figure that you hoped.
No wonder that your spirit railed

To find the lake with care was roped.
Young Thingummy-I trust he called
To tell how cruel was his state.
He's young and curly; I am bald;

But I can do what you can't wait!

SUGGESTIVE NAME FOR THE CONSERVATIVE CANDIDATE AT WALTHAMSTOW.Mountain DEwar.